When Household Vermin Demand Catering

My daughter Brontë has a special blue cup we keep in the bathroom for rinsing out her mouth after brushing her teeth. She’s quite attached to it, so I was nervous about what I was about to tell her. Me: Umm… we may need to throw out your blue cup. Brontë: WHAT? WHY? Me: Because […]

Kids, Cats, and Evil Twins

I have a little black & white kitty, named “Violet,” who usually hides under the bed whenever she hears humans stomping around. Her skittishness eventually trained my daughter Brontë to walk softly and approach gently, which made Brontë the only other person Violet doesn’t fear. Delighted with her newfound cat-enchantment skills, Brontë asked me one […]

My Daughter Misgenders the Cat

My four-year-old daughter Bridget’s favorite toy ever is “Catfish,” a stuffed-animal Siamese cat with a fish drawing on its collar. And though she loves him, he’s clearly her fall guy. Messy room, dirty bed, broken toys… she’s been insisting Catfish orchestrated all these petty toddler crimes and more. He’s been so naughty, in fact, we […]

Valentine’s Day Elephants

While I realize my recent blogging break is making me slow on the draw here, I still wanted to give my husband John props for planning a fun Valentine’s Day activity. All by himself, he reserved us a couple of spots at this place called “The Painted Cork,” where you paint something (elephants, in our […]

The Adventures of Catfish, The Poop Goblin

My three-year-old daughter Bridget has been blaming all of her problems on Catfish lately, even though he’s her favorite stuffed animal. He’s a Siamese-looking cat with a fish on his collar. She snuggles up to him every night even though he keeps wetting her bed. And I was already having a rough day the other […]

Sharks, Santa, and Farting Bear Ghosts…

So lately, my three-year-old daughter Bridget keeps getting attacked… Just the other day, she was drinking a glass of water when out of nowhere she shrieked and threw the cup down: “SHARKS in my cup!” Bridget doesn’t always speak clearly, so I wasn’t sure if I’d heard her right. “There are sharks in your cup?” […]

My Kid Is SO Over Tom & Jerry

So my kids were watching Tom and Jerry this morning when my daughter Brontë finally stood up to announce: “Well, the mouse won AGAIN. Like ALWAYS.” And stomped off in disgust. “But if the cat won, that would be the end of the show,” I tell her. “Yeah, so the mouse is gonna SAVE THE […]

Bee Stings and Toddler Vengeance

As you’ve probably guessed, I’m pretty fond of my kids and of being a mom, overall. Maybe it’s the whole dedicated-parenting-blog-thing that gave it away, or how I kind of flipped out on the anti-child childfree folks a while back… But I have to admit that I’m a bigger fan of kids than I am […]

Viking Role Reversals

So, Bridget the Viking has been rapidly civilizing ever since her big sister Brontë started Kindergarten a few weeks ago. Gone are the sudden, inexplicable tantrums that would alarm neighbors living two blocks away. She doesn’t throw Legos at cats anymore, or refuse to eat anything while simultaneously screaming about how hungry she is. She’s […]

Ice, Ice Baby (AKA- Introverted Dog People)

I used to consider myself an introvert until I met my husband and started having conversations like the one we had last week. We were driving to our very first Back-To-School night because Brontë is starting Kindergarten. It’s a milestone, so I was pretty excited. But my husband seemed out of sorts. He kept braking […]