The Adventures of Catfish, The Poop Goblin

My three-year-old daughter Bridget has been blaming all of her problems on Catfish lately, even though he’s her favorite stuffed animal. He’s a Siamese-looking cat with a fish on his collar. She snuggles up to him every night even though he keeps wetting her bed. And I was already having a rough day the other […]

The Princess and the Viking

As I’ve mentioned before, I walked into parenting thinking most gender norms were social constructs. Not wanting to cram my daughter into a pink box from the get-go, I painted her room green, bought her gender-neutral toys, and avoided onesies that said crap like “I’m so pretty” like the plague. And… I still ended up […]

Gorillas On The Playground

So, yesterday I took the girls to the local park to get some exercise, never realizing what mean-girl psychodramas were about to unfold. Bridget immediately begged to be pushed on the swings, but I told her to GO PLAY. All morning they’d been chewing up the couch like overwrought labradors who needed to work off some adrenalin. Which would never […]

Should Couples Sleep in Separate Rooms?

If you’ve been on the internet today, you’ve probably read the shocking news about Donald and Melania sleeping in separate rooms. It’s everywhere right now: NO PILLOW TALK FOR PRESIDENT! His marriage must be hanging by a thread! Well, maybe it is and maybe it isn’t. But I wouldn’t pin it on whether or not they keep separate bedrooms, […]

Let’s Call A Truce For International Women’s Day!

It’s International Women’s Day, but you’d hardly know it from the way endless arguments about women’s choices keep exploding the internet. In fact, many women are on strike today, which will undoubtedly receive ample criticism in the days to come. Why? Because we keep shaming each other like it’s an Olympic event. Both the left and right accuse recent […]

Little Pink Boxes Made of Ticky-Tacky…

For today’s post, I was inspired to try something different: a freehand comic strip! The only problem is… I don’t know anything about making panels or drawing on computers, which complicates things. But was I gonna let my complete ignorance and total incompetence stop me? Hell no! So here goes… and I swear I’m going to get much better at this.

Sly Like a Fox: How An Alpha Dad Conquered the World of Fairy Farts

I really don’t think we give dads enough credit for parenting prowess. Of course I’m talking generalities here, but just look at all those comedy films about inept fathers tragically left to watch the kids… all by themselves. The poor fools always end up fumbling the job, pouring waffle batter into the toaster oven while an ominous mountain […]

5 Points I Want The Childfree To Consider

I don’t know about you, but to me, it feels like there’s a growing divide in this country between parents and the “childfree.” The childfree set are tired of hearing they’re selfish and that’s understandable. For centuries, it’s been assumed that all right-thinking women are desperate to have babies and there must be something terribly wrong with […]

Advice for Men: Cracking the Fat Pants Code

Many guys who have been in long-term relationships will, sooner or later, find themselves staring down the barrel of the following question: Do these pants make my butt look fat? According to male comedians, this is a very stressful problem. You’re not sure how to answer this question without either lying or starting a fight. It may […]

My Liberal Hangover

“You should’ve been at the election night party. People were going CRAZY. Alice and Lindsay even started crying. Now, I’m not happy that Trump was elected or anything, but crying? That’s so over the top.” My buddy probably assumed I’d agree with him, since I’m usually more about logical, rational discussions than a bunch of melodrama. Except […]