Monsters, Tacos, and Dragon Bones

There’s a fine line between fantasy and reality for children. My parents like to recount a story about when I was five and pretending to pass out imaginary coins… my father walked over to playfully spin me around in a circle and I panicked as he lifted me up, squeezing my fists so the “coins” […]

Sharks, Santa, and Farting Bear Ghosts…

So lately, my three-year-old daughter Bridget keeps getting attacked… Just the other day, she was drinking a glass of water when out of nowhere she shrieked and threw the cup down: “SHARKS in my cup!” Bridget doesn’t always speak clearly, so I wasn’t sure if I’d heard her right. “There are sharks in your cup?” […]

Monster Attacks as a Teaching Tool

Some parents bribe their kids when faced with an avalanche of tantrums and whining. There are entire discussion threads devoted to the most effective toddler bribes. Other parents resort to scare tactics. A friend of mine once warned her daughter not to scream in grocery stores because monsters would hear her. Many people, especially those who place honesty at […]

Why Mummies are Good At Camping

The other day, my four-year-old daughter abruptly stopped building her Lego princess skyscrapers to stare off into the distance, clearly lost in thought. After a while, she turned to me and said, “You know… mummies would always have toilet paper on them.” I laughed, which was not okay. “That’s NOT funny!” She’s fond of mummies, so maybe […]

Over The Garden Wall Shows Us How to Escape the Beast

A massive, wolflike beast with crazed glowing eyes chases both children through a wooden cabin in an unknown forest. The screaming children run to the roof, where they find themselves trapped on the edge of a dizzying height with the dark wolf’s breath on their necks. The younger one desperately tosses out a piece of candy and the wolf jumps after it, falling […]

Brontë Finds Out Her Mom is a Pumpkin-Slayer

My four-year-old daughter is currently in love with all things dark and creepy. She is all about Scooby Doo mysteries, haunted houses, and Tim Burton cartoons. She calls them “smooky,” which I assume is a toddler variant on the word “spooky.” Maybe because spooky things seem to involve a lot of dry ice and fake […]

Another Reason I’m Not a Real Grownup

Bridget just turned two a few days ago. Yay! My kids made it past infancy, which I consider a big win given how much they want to jump from great heights and jam forks into light sockets. This long, unbroken procreation line from the first evolving amoebas to our present-day offspring remains intact. Score two more […]

The Basket Monster Strikes Again!

AAAAAGH! The Basket Monster is chasing me around the house! I ran around the kitchen island in circles before dashing through the living room, the Basket Monster hot on my heels…. Just as I thought I’d lost it, I turned around to find the Basket Monster RIGHT BEHIND ME, blowing my hair back with its mighty “RAAAWWWRRR!” […]

My Husband Lectures Me About Comic Books

My husband and I love watching The Walking Dead together. He couldn’t be happier that I’ve finally gotten on board the zombie bandwagon, since he’s been an aficionado and self-proclaimed expert for years. I used to think he was crazy every time we were walking down the street and he would point out why some random […]

My Daughter Projects Her Psychic Apparatus Onto Imaginary Friends

My two-year-old daughter has personified the warring factions of her psyche and is literally working out her issues using imaginary friends. Kids are concrete thinkers. They are literalists who imagine all manner of abstractions as physical beings. Everything unknown is magic and The Dark, or disquieting unknown, is the perfect breeding ground for magic of any sort. Fears and anxieties become monsters… […]