My Daughter Misgenders the Cat

My four-year-old daughter Bridget’s favorite toy ever is “Catfish,” a stuffed-animal Siamese cat with a fish drawing on its collar. And though she loves him, he’s clearly her fall guy. Messy room, dirty bed, broken toys… she’s been insisting Catfish orchestrated all these petty toddler crimes and more. He’s been so naughty, in fact, we […]

Funny Things My Kids Said This Week

Parenting is full of surprises. Some aren’t happy (like finding out you’ll never, ever get to pee by yourself again), whereas others are the hidden gems that make all the late-night wake-ups and surprise wall art worth the hassle. My kids, for example, are incredibly entertaining. Afraid I’d forget, I started writing down the hilarious things they […]

Toddlers Demanding Coffee and English Regularity

Brontë (pointing through the car window): Mermaid coffee! Me: Yep! That’s Starbucks and we bought their coffee earlier. Brontë: Mommy and Brontë had coffee. Me: Well, mommy had coffee and you had a strawberry smoothie. Brontë: No, COFFEE. Me: You loved the smoothie. You drained it. Brontë (outraged): NO! I NOT BABY, I HAD COFFEE! […]

My Toddler Worries About Inadequate Teeth

This morning, I found my three-year-old daughter Brontë looking at herself in my bathroom mirror. She had climbed onto the sink and was pulling her lips back to examine the inside of her mouth. Brontë (feeling her teeth and looking concerned): I need bigger teeth, mommy. Me: Bigger teeth? Brontë: Yeah, I need to see the […]